So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
