tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
