And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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