Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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