One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
