He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
