I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
