just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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