she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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