My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize