peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
