I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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