I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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