The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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