TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
