remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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