Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
