did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
