you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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