That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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