I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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