Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
