Grow some girl-balls and come out already
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
