He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
