obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
3 2 1 whiskey
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
