oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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