So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
