2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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