Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
