He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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