sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
