If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
