"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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