No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
