We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize