so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
