It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
