Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
