dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
