I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
