did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
