The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
