Nicole vs. Life
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
