She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
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So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
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Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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