so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
