Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
