just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
