the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
