I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
