my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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