you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
