I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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