So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
