We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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