totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
