All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
