It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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