we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
