o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
