I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
