I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
