They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I stole a fireplace last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
