I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
