Jerry, you need to find god
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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