I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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