Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
