3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
