I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
