My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
