That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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