Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
