I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
