I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
