Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
