I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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